To the Anti-Willow Folks, Stop Over Exaggerating

Let’s think of this as a good thing. Glass half-full, if you will. We need fuel. The state senators and representatives of Alaska can’t stress that enough. “This should be an easy decision,” they wrote in a CNN article urging the Biden administration to reapprove The Willow Project.

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The Willow Project is an oil drilling proposal brought by ConocoPhillips gas company to build 250 oil wells on the Northern Slope of Alaska in its National Petroleum Reserve. The Republican politicians of Alaska believe there are benefits to this project. 

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People will have jobs, sure. Alaskans will spend less on fuel for their boats and snowmobiles. I’m screaming with excitement over here. Even though our planet is entirely priceless, they’re right. We should help people save a few bucks on gas. And this project will generate fewer emissions than imported oil. Awesome!

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Fewer in this case means releasing 260 million metric tons of carbon emissions, according to the Defenders of Wildlife, but thank goodness! If that number reached 261 million, then that would have crossed a line. 

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Releasing these carbon emissions will warm up our planet. So? Wear fewer layers. Cut the sleeves off of your coats and use them as headbands. That’s the greener lifestyle we should be talking about. 

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“The community members neighboring this project should not have to feel scared or confused about the state of their land,” said Tania Schusler, an assistant professor at Loyola University Chicago focusing on solutions to environmental problems. 

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The drilling sight will be near the native village and city of Nuiqsut. City Mayor Rosemary Ahtuangaruak and Native Village President Eunice Brower wrote a joint letter expressing multiple concerns.      

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For one, this will destroy their land and hurt their hunting. Community members stressed how the proposed areas of the drilling pads interfere with the habitat for the Teshekpuk Lake caribou herd. Installing drilling pads near this area will prevent the animals from traveling down their normal paths into Nuiqsut. They will find other places to innocently wander.

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Sorry to hear your role as a hunter now has more purpose. If you found the hunting patterns once, I’m sure it’s not hard to find them again! Here’s a hint: go around the drilling pads. 

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This will affect their harvesting. The BLM (Bureau of Land Management) acknowledged how this project will impact subsistence agriculture. Given the Willow Project is the largest oil drilling in American history, this will have an even greater impact. 

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According to PFSEIS (Preliminary Final Supplemental Environmental Impact Statement), 70% of households use these subsistence foods for half of their diet. Replacing this food with store-bought items would cost each household $30,000 a year. 

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It’s just money. Millions of other Americans cough that cash up every year without a question. Urban lifestyles solely rely on grocery stores. Get used to it. 

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This will affect their health. The mayor and village president recite an incident where last spring BLM accidentally created a gas blowout from one of the well pads having too much pressure in its pipes. Many villagers began to experience symptoms of headaches, difficulty breathing, and nausea following the accident. That was only from one test drilling. At that rate, Willow will really help the Advil stocks. 

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To put things into perspective, there’s not enough time to think about every single person’s health. We have to think about our oil. Specifically, car oil. Someone that forgot to drink some water and then gets an “unexplained” headache is the last thing we need to worry about. Take an Advil and chill out. 

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The animals inhabiting Alaska are also at risk. The runoff from the roads into their local lakes has “contributed to abnormalities found in the fish caught in our waterways,” according to Brower. Because that’s a way to end a letter to the BLM. By being as vague as possible and stating the fish are suddenly abnormal.

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 “How are they abnormal?” 

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“I don’t know, man. They just are!” 

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Polar bears are another threatened species if the Willow Project is approved. Although they are already listed under the U.S. Endangered Species Act, approving this project means they have to find a new place to set up shop and call home. Since they normally live on the coasts for hunting purposes, relocating to land and other nearby shores means less food and less body fat. 

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I’m sorry, but do you expect me to prioritize the size of a polar bear over filling my car with oil? How else do we expect to drive cars if we don’t have oil? No oil, no go. 

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There are more positives than negatives to this, people! The pros: 180,000 barrels of oil are produced each day to help cars go vroom-vroom, cheaper gas and a free weight loss program for the polar bears. 

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Cons: Nuiqsut villagers might inhale too many chemicals, agriculture could become a disaster, grocery visits will drastically increase and the Earth might die a little. But I’m sure the villagers will understand. 

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This is oil we’re talking about!  

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Besides, if the Biden Administration calls this one last big push before we can start living greener, then let’s listen to our leader. What could possibly go wrong?